Posts Tagged ‘love’


(I didn’t make up this title;
the birth control in me did)

I used to think I was supposed to be born a guy- a typical guy who sees a cactus and thinks ‘sex’. I used to think about sex all the time.

Now, when do I think about sex? When I’m picking the largest banana in the grocery store? When I check out the guy next door who’s jogging shirtless? When I’m coming home and slowly insert the key in the lock? Not at all.

I tend to think about sex when I’m naked in front of my lingerie drawer and select thru my tiny g strings… Oh, yeah… I’m imagining the look on his face when my silky thong slides down and his emotions grow. It makes me feel sexy and desired.
But wait! When was the last time I put on a sexy underwear? Certainly not today, unless the full-cover-ass panties I’m having on, count as appealing in some cultures. The fact is: I’m wearing this cheap panties and didn’t feel sexy in a long time.
Since when? Since the birth control, ladies!

‘I’m ready, babes!’ (precision: not for sex!). It’s Friday night and we’re going to the movies.
In the car I feel his perfume. It’s my favorite, masculine, sensual perfume.
I say: ‘Boo, that scent distracts me from driving haha’
‘It does? Mmm, maybe we should pull over?’
He has a boner. He is excited.
Statistically speaking, within 5 minutes the car would be crookedly parked in somebody’s private driveway and the windshields would get sweaty. I would praise the Mitsubisi creators for designing adjustable passengers’ seats… so comfy for sex in a tight position… me on top of him, and him… with no way to run hehehe… But, nope! 20 minutes down the road and the speedometer still shows 65 mph. And as we roll down the highway we talk about ways to decrease the interest rate on our credit cards- a discussion we are having much often than sex. And we say we don’t care about money! We used to have sex in the car after pulling into a drive-tru ATM machine and try to withdraw $20. The request would get denied. Buzz!- ‘Insufficient funds’. Nobody cared, because we definitely has sufficient libidos! We were broke and yet we had sex in the car without thinking about it! Where did my sexual drive go? I wish I could blame the bank for this insufficiency as well… but I can’t.

Then what’s to blame? The birth control, ladies!

I called my best friend the other day to discuss this private dilemma. You know, we aways call our best friends when our sexual life hits an orgasm or a bump.
Apparently in her County sex hasn’t visited for a long time, too. It was the first time in years when we didn’t talk about positions and experiments. It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom! Do I think I’m still a good lover? Sure, I practice a lot on my own! Sad.
Our lack of desire to have sex with our significant others has kicked in the same time as… the damned birth control!

She joked: ‘How is the birth control preventing from pregnancy really haha, if by taking it I don’t even want to have sex?’. We both laughed. It was funny! For us, yeah, because we hit a moment when we don’t want sex. But our partners still do. You know why? Because every morning at 8am they don’t take the same thing we do…
That birth control, ladies!

P.S. I gotta go. Must call my gynecologist, see what’s up. ‘Hey mister, you’ve got explanations to do for prescribing me this birth control without informing me about the “libido” side-effect. This is grounds for a lawsuit, you know that?’
He he (evil laughter), can’t wait to make this call. I already feel so much better… WHO NEEDS SEX?


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